Holy Shrooms. It has been months since my fingers have hit this keyboard. I'm not even sure where to begin! Well, I suppose a rational check point would be the decisions I have made involving college? DRUM ROLL PLEASE.... I dropped my classes. Yes, yes I know. "College drop out". But it's okay; my story doesn't end there. I have been working at a place called the Pet Care Center, and I absolutely love it. I've started to save money and I am crossing all crossable appendages that I am able to move out of the PUs house soon. As far as my education goes, yes I do plan on going back. Eventually. HM, now, what ELSE is there to mention. Well... it's been a few months since I've talked to Panda :/ not that he hasn't tried to talk to me. Let's just say there was a drunken, regrettable night that I would NOT like to relive. I would have never touched him sober... our friendship ment too much to me. But, the drinks kept coming, and so did his hands. It's really quite blurry looking back at it. Even more than that, I don't want to revisit my actions. I've always said that I regret nothing, but as I make bigger mistakes, it's becoming harder to stand behind those words. I saw my BFF recently! She came down from the winter break and I got to spend some time with her. I was so thrilled to hear how awesome things are going for her. She deserves the fucking world. I recently connected with Douche's old best friend. We talked about how shitty of a person he was... how he is still stuck in his ways... apparently being married isnt enough for him. He still has to rape everyone else's feelings. I'm still hurt. I can't deny it in the least. Mention his name? I winch in pain. The biggest question I have had to answer was: Am I ready to move on? And after thinking about it.. honestly, I will never trust the way I trusted him again. But I hope one day I can love the way I loved him. And I will never know if I can unless I try. Really. Try. So, I'm trying. I'm dating a boy... lets call himmmmm.. BF. BF has got me falling. I must admit. Do I love him? I don't know. Sometimes I catch myself wanting to tell him that I do. But everything within me tells me not to. I can't, I won't let myself get hurt again. It's all too hard to pick myself up once I've fallen face first. So, I'm taking it one day at a time. Who knows, I guess we will just have to see where this goes? Me and Madre have been fighting. I've been leaving the house for long periods of time. I just need out. 18 years of living in the same house with her is enough to drive any sane person into a mental health ward. AHH, so many words... brain hurts. I'm calling it quits for now.
Later skeezers.
-Kat.
